Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
