Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
