someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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