how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
