Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
