Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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