I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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