just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
