i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
