i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
