dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
