why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
