I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
