just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
