i was born a porn star she said
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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