I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
