Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
