I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
