Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
