dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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