I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
