i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
