Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize