I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
