if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
