everyone is single if you try hard enough
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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