Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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