she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
