The maid of honor just puked.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
