Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
