His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
