the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
