I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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