when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
