I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
