i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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