We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
