Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
