You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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