That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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