Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She bit a glass in half.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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