My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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