you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
