Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
