I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
