watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
