woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
