he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
