she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
