Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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