Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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